Gaze upon this undulating mass of taut skin, this jumble of bony carapaces, this snarl of eyelash and jutting jawline. This is for you! You! You have willed this beautiful skein into being with the collective yearning of your empty souls and the ceaseless chatter of your Tumblrs! These are the avatars of your own ineffable longing, joined together now in a twisted embrace of soft sweaters upon the stony inevitable. This is your creation. Look upon it.
ALL HAIL THE NEW FLESH.
Does it please you? Once they danced for you—whirled their scrawny limbs in a choreographed mating ritual to bring you joy and fertility—and your bellies swelled anon with tweets and Vines that soon flowed forth with a uterine gush. Now they have looked upon these offerings and answered your prayers, ceremonially commingling upon the rocks overlooking the sea from whence our primordial selves crawled to shore, killing and evolving, until at last these advanced, spidery hybrids could be born to bring us to a higher state of being with their glorious coupling.
We feast on stimulation. We gorge with our eyes. The screen you see before you is the retina of the mind’s eye, and whatever you see on it emerges as raw, visceral experience—a new reality beyond reality. The gamine, glowing bodies you see before you are more real than our own. Now they are conjoined in an ecstasy far greater than we could ever experience in these drab outer-worlds of the non-famous. They are a rapturous copulation of name; an orgy of persona. A veritable cum-bucket of stans and memes and GIFs.
They are famous and they are fucking, and—like the wine-mad Maenads tearing a bull apart with their hands so that others at the bacchanalia might swallow it, thus becoming possessed by Dionysus—we will feast upon their writhing celebrity flesh in daily remembrance, until at last we are freed from the temporal prison of our earthly bodies and become one with the gods.
Come, ye mad servants and handmaidens! Encircle them with your paparazzi! Offer up your cutesy portmanteau nicknames! Sacrifice yourself upon the altar of Photoshop! Bless this union with your mash-up jokes! Abandon your hammers and anvils so that you might sit and gawk at this exalted melding of preeminent genitals!
THIS IS THE NEW FLESH CREATED FOR YOU! TAKE AND EAT OF IT! BE SUSTAINED BY ITS TITILLATION! LONG MAY IT LIVE !
Until they break up.