December 1, 2015 News

Eighteen-Year-Old Kylie Jenner Kicks Off 60-Year Career Of Posing In Assless Chaps

In a cover shoot for the December issue of Interview, 18-year-old reality star Kylie Jenner kicked off what promises to be an estimable, 60-year career of posing in assless chaps.

Although Kylie has been seen in front of the cameras in Keeping Up With The Kardashians since the age of 9, the Interview shoot was her very first featuring latex pants with the butt-cheek area cut out.

Steven Klein, Interview Magazine

However, if Kylie’s childhood in the spotlight, her association with the relentlessly public Jenner-Kardashian clan, and the steady progress of technology are any indication, Kylie seems poised to be doing this well into her late 70s.

Definitely a lot of potential here!

Of course, some might argue that Kylie’s constantly changing aesthetic and the limited market for septuagenarian kink might disprove our prediction that Kylie easily has another 60 years of assless chaps-modeling ahead of her. But this is merely the year 2015. Humanity has only come so far, and we have much further to go. At some point between now and the year 2075, advances in plastic surgery, digital photography, and artificial intelligence will surely devise a solution to keep Kylie bare-assed and on camera well into her golden years.

Steven Klein, Interview Magazine

After all, a mere 60 years ago the technologies we now take for granted were but a glimmer in the science-fiction writer’s eye. Today the average American woman can expect to live to age 80. In 1955, a woman couldn’t plan to wear assless chaps past the age of 73.

If we can put a man on the goddamn moon just 66 years after the Wright brothers made their first humble flight at Kitty Hawk, why, it would be foolishness to presume to know where science can take Kylie Jenner’s ass in the coming decades. Perhaps by 2075, Kylie’s ass itself will be on the moon, rocking a suggestive peekaboo space suit. The moon’s diminished field of gravity would surely be easier on her aging joints, if they aren’t all composed of titanium by then.

Relatedly, Kylie tells Interview that she is “all about, like, experimenting” when it comes to her look, so who’s to say that at some point during Blue Ivy Carter’s second or third term as Galactic Ruling Fist Most High that she wouldn’t allow some intrepid researcher to put a couple pieces of Jenner’s brain into a machine that allows Jenner to live on in assless chaps in perpetuity?

Indeed, that is where man is headed—as inevitable as the Singularity and Kylie Jenner always and forever posing in assless chaps.

To the future!