May 11, 2016 News

Ex-Playmate Reveals Hugh Hefner’s Girlfriends Weren’t In It For His Body

In a new tell-all memoir, ex-Playboy Playmate Holly Madison has made the shocking revelation that neither she nor the rest of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends—made famous on the reality series The Girls Next Door—were with the 90-year-old multimillionaire for the sex.

Madison discussed the bombshell book in a video interview with People, where she hints that the beautiful young women who dated this rich, powerful nonagenarian didn’t exactly have the hots for his drooping, liver-spotted form.

“Everybody wanted to get that kind of thing over with really quickly and didn’t seem really into it,” says Madison of having intimate relations with Hef. She even says that, during her first night of rheumatic passion with Hefner, she was offered Quaaludes and copious amounts of alcohol, which the attractive 20-something apparently needed to work up the enthusiasm to get her hands on Hefner’s crepey skin and ride that bag of likely thinned-by-age-induced-osteoporosis bones all night long.

The good old days.

Madison also hints at the possibility that Hefner may have been aware that these sexy women of the approximate age of his granddaughter whom he kept in his big, celebrity-filled mansion weren’t necessarily aching to be touched with genitals that have been fighting gravity since the Reagan Administration. He might have even used them.

“Hef always plays the main girlfriend against the younger girlfriend to make them jealous,” says Madison, implying that the withered sack of Viagra and ill-gotten money resorted to mind games in order to keep his Playmates interested in bedroom playtime with Pop-Pop.

“It’s too bad,” says Madison, who has long since moved on from what we now know to be a less-than-satisfying sexual relationship with a human log of pickled chicken skin in a silk robe. “I think he should really be more secure with himself.”