Helen Mirren revealed in People Thursday that her favorite nude scene was in the 1979 film Caligula, a fact your creepy co-worker is perhaps a little too excited to report.
While Mirren reflects positively on her experience filming Caligula, she tells People that, on most movie sets, she found filming nude scenes extremely awkward and unpleasant. Kind of like getting updates about a nude Helen Mirren from a co-worker—a co-worker who talks a little too close and maintains intense eye contact for longer than necessary.
“I was always afraid. Always,” said Mirren of filming non-Caligula nude scenes. Coincidentally, these words could easily describe how you feel about making a routine trip to the coffeemaker when Ron is there, especially when he is eager to share new intel about Helen Mirren’s “pleasure pillows.”
“It’s not fun to be on a film set and be one of the only ones naked,” Ron can quote Mirren as saying, his zeal for discussing Mirren’s nude scenes and the 1979 erotic historical epic—which he mentions he owns on DVD and VHS, as though this is a source of pride—hanging uncomfortably palpable in the room as he blocks your access to the half-and-half, forcing you to stand there waiting as he talks at you at length about Caligula’s ”artistry.”
“Everyone was naked in [Caligula],” said Mirren in the article Ron arrived at, presumably after a Google search whose keywords you don’t even want to think about. “It was like showing up for a nudist camp every day. You felt embarrassed if you had your clothes on in that movie.”
“Imagine working somewhere where everybody’s naked—even Dame Helen Mirren,” says Ron, his eyes shining as you silently resolve to get a Keurig for your desk so you don’t ever have to go back to the work kitchen for coffee. Although, you would still need water for the Keurig, so you might still have to run into Ron. You could bring gallon jugs of water from home, maybe.
“I think about it all the time,” says Ron, adjusting his pants. “All the time.”