June 10, 2016 News

Prince’s Home May Oust Mall Of America As Minnesota’s Most Orgasmed-In Attraction

According to court documents obtained by The Wrap, Paisley Park, Prince’s private residence and recording complex, could be turned into an attraction offering paid admission to fans. The plan could make the late singer’s home into a real destination for Minnesota, edging out the Mall of America as the state’s top tourist spot where the most orgasms have happened.

The papers reveal that Bremer Trust, special administrator to the late superstar’s estate, sought to retain experts “to provide advice and counsel on how to manage public tours of the grounds, facilities and buildings located at Paisley Park.” The plan is part of several strategies being proposed to shore up the value of Prince’s estate for tax and legal purposes, and would make the singer’s Chanhassen compound a mecca for fans and tourists. And it would make America’s largest shopping mall—which draws more than 42 million horny visitors annually to nearby Bloomington—would drop to a distant second in terms of places in the North Star State where the most people have been brought to earth-shattering climax.

Should Prince’s playground and sanctuary become a Graceland-style landmark, visitors would certainly be in for a treat. The mythic grounds contain residences, recording studios, soundstages, a nightclub, and a concert hall where The Purple One honed his craft as a musician, producer, and world-class entertainer, while also playing host to untold levels of carnal gratification and exultant, powerful sexual crescendos.

Though somewhat less renowned for ecstasies of the flesh, the Mall of America and its all-encompassing retail and entertainment venue has been a pillar of Midwest tourism for nearly 50 years. It includes not only anchor stores such as Sears and Macy’s, but several hotels, movie theaters, a water park, and even an indoor roller coaster—so it’s a pretty safe bet a lot of people have come inside there, too. The number of people who have been finger-banged inside the Sea Life Minnesota Aquarium alone …

Still, it’s hard to deny that if the walls of both these iconic Minnesota institutions could talk, one would clearly reverberate slightly louder with the whinnying, ravished moans of a thousand cresting waves of sexual delirium.

Of course, the plans for Prince to become a Graceland-style attraction are just in the early discussion phase, and the Mall of America did just open a Shake Shack. So this could still go either way.