Stars, They’re Just Like: Cocaine

They may live the glamorous life, but deep down, Hollywood celebrities are as pure and uncut as the addictive Schedule II narcotic, cocaine. Check out some pics that prove it!

They come from Colombia!

Just like the incredibly addictive drug cocaine, celebrities have also been known to originate from the South American country of Colombia! Just look at Shakira! The singer was born in Barranquilla, Colombia, the same city where millions of pounds of pure uncut coke have undoubtedly traveled on their way to the U.S.!

Our friend Cody knows a lot about them!

Our buddy Cody might come off as a little unhinged, but just mention Scarlett Johansson—or cocaine—and he won’t shut up! The guy is a walking encyclopedia when it comes to ScarJo, capable of rattling off one of her movies just as easily as he can tell you the best places to score coke.

They were really big in the ’80s!

What do Whoopi Goldberg, Oprah Winfrey, Harrison Ford, and Jack Nicholson have in common? They were all nominated for Academy Awards in the 1980s, the same decade when crack and cocaine were voted as being more abused than alcohol!

They are worth a lot of money!

As the highest-paid celebrity in Hollywood, Robert Downey Jr. makes over $40 million per movie! Likewise, the global drug trade accounts for over $32 trillion of the world’s GDP! Then again, Cody claims he knows a guy who would sell us a gram for less than $60.

One of the two probably killed Cody!

Based on his love for cocaine and celebrities, we’re going to assume that one or the other led to Cody’s eventual death. However, we’re not going to point fingers, especially not at Hilary Duff. Instead, we’ll just hope that whatever got Cody into trouble has no beef with us, and swear we’ll never do cocaine.

Stars, they’re just like cocaine!