February 16, 2016 Slideshow

These Stars Seem To Have Flawless Skin—But To Be Fair, We Can’t See All Of It

We wish these celebs would tell us their secret, because their skin is always looking flawless! Though of course, we can’t say with 100 percent certainty that it’s perfect, because we can’t see all of it.

1

Mila Kunis

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We’ve never found a single blemish on Ms. Kunis! Maybe it’s because she gets crazy-expensive diamond and ruby facials, or maybe it’s because she carefully hides them beneath her awesome style choices. Who’s to say?

2

Zoe Saldana

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Zoe Saldana positively glows, with nary a wrinkle to distract from her beauty. Then again, there could be a wart cluster hiding between her toes. We can’t, in complete confidence, tell you that her skin is wart free—or even eczema free for that matter—as we haven’t yet found a photograph where all of it is visible. And we’d hate to have to retract a statement that we hadn’t completely fact-checked. As such, we must say that Ms. Saldana’s skin is practically, but not verifiably, perfect.

3

Adam Levine

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Adam Levine has skin that any man would envy. Any man, that is, who’s satisfied with seeing about 65 percent of something and assuming the rest is just as immaculate. What’s up with Levine concealing his scalp under his hair so much of the time? What’s he hiding? Tick bites? A trichilemmal cyst?

4

Olivia Wilde

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If you’re innocent of having a partially absorbed fetal twin whose distorted face peeks out of your armpit, then you shouldn’t have anything to hide, Olivia Wilde.

5

Jon Hamm

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What are you covering up, Hamm? Some kind of swastika-shaped mole?! Let’s see how “perfect” your skin is without those fancy-man suits!

6

Kim Kardashian

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“But she had a sex tape,” you might say, “and that Paper magazine shoot! We saw all of her skin there was to see!” Au contraire, kind readers. While we are comfortable calling Kim K. the queen of contouring, we can’t help but wonder what lurks beneath that expertly applied makeup. A scar? A tattoo of a map that leads to the lost city of Kardashia, where the buildings are studded with emeralds the size of a man’s fist? Two scars?

We can only speculate.

7

Halle Berry

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We’re not telling you that Halle Berry has gnarly holes above her tailbone similar to those on the backs of fertile Suriname toads. We’re just telling you that her outfits seem to be conveniently covering that area most of the time. And if she really wants a legitimate reporting outlet to declare her skin flawless, she would email or fax us proof of such a claim.

That goes for all of the celebrities in this list! This is an open call for evidence of skin perfection: Simply send us 360-degree views of every inch of your body, and we will not hesitate to label your skin “flawless.” Unless we see a pimple, or maybe some dryness.